![]() ![]() And you have the opportunity to set more realistic expectations. If they are, chances are you’re harboring some unrealistic expectations about yourself, your spouse or your relationship. Look at the list above and see if you’re your expectations are similar to any of them. However, if you have unmet expectations, that doesn’t necessarily mean your expectations are unrealistic or unable to be met.īegin exploring your expectations on your own. The choice to end things after persistent disappointment is often seen as the only answer because our unrealistic expectations can make it seem as if we fell for the wrong person. Persistent disappointment can lead to stress, frustration, anxiety, sadness, despair, anger, and eventually a decision to give up on the marriage. Because it’s unlikely that our spouse will ever be able to meet them, our disappointment can fester and transform into other more defeating emotions and choices. When we have unrealistic expectations in marriage (or anyplace else), we set ourselves up for more than just disappointment. ![]() That’s because unrealistic expectations can’t be met – no matter how much you demand or wish they are. The real challenge comes when we have unrealistic expectations in marriage that go unmet. When expectations are realistic, it’s a fairly straightforward matter to talk with your spouse about how to address things in a way that you both can feel satisfied with. And your disappointment is signaling that something needs to change. When your expectations about who your spouse should be and how your marriage should be are unmet, of course you’ll feel disappointed. How unrealistic expectations can lead to divorce You should spend all your free time together – just like you did when you fell in love.Because you love each other, you’ll always be able to resolve all disputes.Your spouse will be the only friend you need.Your spouse’s life should revolve around you.Your spouse will give you whatever you want simply because s/he loves you.Sex will always be fabulous because you love each other.You’ll be able to make your spouse change in the ways you want him/her to.Your spouse’s job is to make you a better or more evolved person.Once you’re married, you’ll live happily ever after. And society continues to pile them on through movies, books, quotes and, of course, societal norms.īelow are some of the most common unrealistic beliefs and expectations in marriage: We begin accumulating unhelpful beliefs and expectations about love and marriage from the moment we hear our first fairy tale. ![]() Examples of unrealistic expectations in marriage They can just be really difficult to identify – especially when it comes to the expectations and beliefs we have about our spouses and marriages. Yet, the truth is that we all have irrational beliefs and expectations. The challenge is that we each tend to believe our beliefs and expectations are completely rational. They can also be based on misunderstandings. They emerge from our beliefs about how the world works.īeliefs and expectations can be rational or irrational. And when we marry, we expect that we will be married for the rest of our lives.Įach of these expectations is based on our personal experience, understanding and/or hopes. We expect that we will outlive our children. We expect that our heart will pump without our conscious thought. We expect the sun to rise in the east and set in the west. If you’re in an unhappy marriage and want to explore ways to improve your relationship, looking for and addressing unrealistic expectations might be a great place to start. That’s nearly half of all divorces being caused in major part because of unrealistic expectations. One of their findings was that 45% of divorced respondents said that unrealistic expectations in marriage by them and/or their spouse was a major contributor to the end of their marriage. ![]() In 2005, the National Fatherhood Initiative published a report on a national survey they conducted on Marriage In America. You must be able to separate realistic from unrealistic expectations in marriage – if you want your marriage to last. ![]()
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